Wives, girlfriends and baby mamas all over the U.S. are anxiously anticipating the arrival of Valentine’s Day. Word on the street is that many happy couples will start the festivities after work on Friday and make it a weekend thing. However, the lone side chicks of the world…well… They just have to wait their turn.
If you haven’t heard, Sunday, February 15th is National Side Chick Day aka Valentine’s Day for side chicks. Now many people crack on the side chicks, but I applaud them for waiting their turn and for that alone, they deserve a gift or two.
Yea. Yea. Yea. I know many of y’all are reading this like, “I can’t believe she wrote this.” I did. Believe it. Now share it with a friend or two. We all know someone who loves a side chick or who is the side chick. Ignoring it definitely won’t make it go away. So, deal.
Now men, I know you can’t get your beloved side chick anything too expensive. You can’t raise any red flags that come with big purchases. So I’ve made this gift guide just for you. Nice, inexpensive and filled with love. I know you got a lot of love to give.
Two Buck Chuck aka Charles Shaw Wine. You can get this at your local Trader Joes by the bottle or by the case. Now I highly recommend you only buy her two bottles. We can’t have her getting too drunk and calling up the wifey because you won’t answer your phone. That would be tragic. Heed my advice. Two bottles max.
The Official Olivia Pope Wine Glasses. Now we know that Liv is giving these side chicks life by the pound. They get to turn to prime-time tv each week and know they aren’t alone in the world. If the Leader of the Free World can have a side piece then so can you. So head over to Crate and Barrel and get them a set of four. They may want to invite their fellow side chick tribe over. Just pray they don’t pull none of that Waiting to Exhale stuff or you may be in trouble…trouble. BTW. If you’re pressed for time, head to your local dollar store. They usually have some wine glasses in stock.
Television Streaming Service. Now that you’ve got her Olivia Pope’s favorite drink of choice. She drinks the good stuff, but you’re on budget, bro. Two Buck Chuck will hold her over. Not to mention, you got the Olivia Pope wine glass on deck. Now it’s time to make sure she has something to occupy her time so she won’t be texting and calling you all night. That would be terrible. Get her a subscription to Netflix so she can binge watch Scandal seasons, 1-3. Then get her aÂ subscription to Hulu Plus so she can catch up on Season 4. After seeing how Liv handles the job, she’ll be glad to wait until Sunday to see you. She’ll figure it’s her civic duty, Mr. President.
A Warm Blanket. Since you’ll be with wifey all cuddled up and spooning, you’ll def need to make sure side chick, boo thang is warm. Amazon has this cute and reversible textured fuzzy soft rose blanket. It will make sure she’s warm as she recovers from her slight buzz and helping Olivia figure out her life. Amazon even delivers on Saturday and Sunday. If you don’t have that Prime, check it out, son. It can be a life saver.
Now that you’ve gotten Bae everything she needs for a Valentine’s Day without you.Â It’s time for you to surpriseÂ her with the final gift. Save this for Sunday though. Get her a yearlong subscription to eharmony. Yep, eharmony. If you want to be extra classy, you can put the gift subscription in a card to make the moment extra special. Then kiss her on the forehead and say goodbye. The best gift you can give her is a head start to finding a man thatÂ she deserves and not your part-time ashycan.
All good things must come to an end, right.
But, seriously, it’s Valentine’s Day. Don’t neglect your side chick. Show your love and appreciation. She has and always will be an important part of society. She services a need and for that many wives secretly thank her.
But for real, this is only a satire piece…. well, sort of kinda…:) we don’t condone cheating husbands….but, if you got a side chick, treat her right.